Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
