the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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