from now on my penis is your penis
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
