Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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