Having a random hookup so left but love u
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
