Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
