You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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