Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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