U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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