I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
