the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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