3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
