she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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