i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize