she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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