News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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