I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made him laugh his dick is mine
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
