we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
