mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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