So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
