I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
