I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
