I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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