anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
