what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
