I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
