DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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