I puked a lego.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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