oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
