Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
