The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
