a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
