I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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