You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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