The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
