I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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