i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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