Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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