do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
