i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
