Just fell off a train. Bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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