I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
