he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize