How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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