Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
