Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
