Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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