We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
