I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
