she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
