Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
