I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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