I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
