doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
