That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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