I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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