so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm passing your future prison.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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