last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
