how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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