My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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