I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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