After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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