i just had sex bonerless
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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