Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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