Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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