Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
