We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
