i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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