if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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